Papers Under Tea Mugs

You spoke to my worst fears, and made them come true. I wish you would have just said, “This is the hold I have on you.” I wished you had told me it was not love, that it had nothing to do with this electricity every time our skin touched. I wished you had told me who I thought you were, was no where near close, that it wasn’t that I wasn’t enough, just the fact I was too human for you to ever love – and you, not enough. I wished you had told me I had gotten pain confused with pleasure, and that shame is invading your truth. I wish that you had just said something.

And I wish, I wish you had woken up a little earlier that day, so I wouldn’t have fallen in love with your sleeping face. I wish that you hadn’t held my hand to our favourite song, and put your fingers through my hair the way you did. I wish you had actually left me on the first date, when you went to get drinks. I wish that I had never made that stupid compliment, so you would let me in. I wish with all of my heart, you aren’t what you are.

– The real you is between fear and insolence.

– I’ve seen both ends of the vine. So let me spend the rest of my time, trying to get to the middle, until death pays back life.

– Blue eyes, clear smiles,

Safety and no rainy days.

Pleasure, treasure chests

Tight hugs and memories, always.

Thank you for showing me fullness

And simplicity in living.

– It went as quickly as it came, but there was enough in the midst of it all to last a lifetime.

– I’m not sure what it’s all for when remembering the good memories hurts so much too.

– Time goes slow when I’m waiting for you,

And we should all fear what happens when we break the universes’s rules.

– We can’t ask people to love us past who they are.

– And we have different songs that remind us of us,

No shared ones,

Such different memories in our hearts. In our bones.

Such different visions when we look at the stars,

not even miles apart.

I thought I let you go some time ago,

How am I holding onto a mere moment with you

When so much has happened in between?

The past is so present yet it’s nowhere to be seen?

I guess that’s what happens when it hasn’t ended in the heart,

Who forever thinks he’s a child even when his age rips his strings apart.

But it is over isn’t it? When all you have is the past?

When moving on keeps your forever apart.

It will be different this time:

I will truly leave you,

I will not be here when years have past.

You’ll even find the love I had for you, left, to the right of everything you did wrong

I won’t let you be with me again, even if you’re on your knees,

Without that love you’re a stranger to me.

What could be is not more important that has been,

You can have forgiveness but not me,

You are still worthy but not of me.

What you did burnt every other chance.

Letting go is not good enough this time,

I could look at you, and have no idea who you are

That, that is where we are at.

– You know I used to think that moment where I missed you,

Even though we were together,

Meant that I loved you.

But now I wander,

And wonder if I was a little ahead of you,

Still there with you,

Knowing you wouldn’t be there,

Knowing, somehow, this was our last night.

If that’s true,

Oh I was right.

Or loving you always meant losing you,

That still hurts at night.

– A little bit of boringness for all the things that I’ll gain, a little bit of exhilaration for all the things I’ll lose?

– Everybody, everything can be understood, but it’s not for everyone to understand.

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