Goodbye, so long

I wonder if you still think about me,

Even though the past is way past us,

Swallowed and eaten up.

And it’s not that I’d want you to touch my skin,

Or warm me up;

But I was so young,

And it was probably love.

I don’t even want you to think of me,

I want you to forget about me –

Look at you, where you can’t see me

So it goes back to the way it was.

I think you hurt me so much,

You’ll always somehow be around.

And I’m not interested anymore in pretending you don’t exist,

That I’m angry at you and all you did –

It’s exhausting, it’s not me:

I always cared so much.

I just don’t want you to know I exist,

Can you do that much?

Leave me be?

Know that I loved you, and it wasn’t enough;

I’m tired and I’ve tried enough so let it go.

Love her, and leave me, again, but for me, not you, again.

I don’t need to know anymore,

Peace won, and hope lost.

It was ours though, wasn’t it J?

At the time, that sucked.

Now it’s just, fitting.

All I can do is describe it,

This sphere we both have, hidden in our back pockets,

Full of sunlight and white sheets,

Sweat from the sun and love.

Tears, that I’m not sure were real or not,

So much love, and somehow not enough.

And underneath, fear and hurt and two strangers who didn’t know much.

Because even though I knew a you, far away from them, we live in a real world,

And we found us, in between time, above the sky –

Somewhere in the midst of you and I,

We created something that will stay exactly as it was.

Maybe that’s just because it was left so abruptly,

Like how we’re here one moment, and then not,

Not knowing how to process death

So we just remember, and remember them,

Till we can’t remember voices or touch –

And then left with a mirror image of those that we loved.

Maybe it’s because we both placed it on a shelf, it was treasured so much.

Maybe we could talk to each other with honesty, and cry together, laugh about how young we were. Give each other a hug.

But you treated me so badly,

And I can’t wait anymore.

Enough is enough.

I’m not sure how things would be if I really moved on,

I don’t think it would matter much.

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